Blog
my moody dazeSpring 2020
Friday, April 10
OttawaParanoia. Sahar assured me that the attack stemmed from a real place, another Self, triggered by a history. A story of war, of escape & survival, of being watched & watching what we say. Of sexualization & exoticism.
Of falsified documents.
It’s the reason that Baba was unjustly & wrongfully imprisoned in Syria - 11 years ago. I still can barely re-read his letter to us.
Baths are taken in turn by permission of the cell chief. Soap was available most of the time as long as there is running water which is for at least two-thirds of the time. On one occasion we were allowed out to a courtyard open to the sky of 7 x 7 meters for 10 minutes. We were ordered to go round & round. This was the only time in my 36 days that I breathed fresh air, but I had never seen the sun throughout my stay.
Now I know that the green light in the bathroom is for ventilation, for breathing. I will only take baths in candlelight.
Now I need you to kneel to me, open up through your chest & drink my bathwater.
Of falsified documents.
It’s the reason that Baba was unjustly & wrongfully imprisoned in Syria - 11 years ago. I still can barely re-read his letter to us.
Baths are taken in turn by permission of the cell chief. Soap was available most of the time as long as there is running water which is for at least two-thirds of the time. On one occasion we were allowed out to a courtyard open to the sky of 7 x 7 meters for 10 minutes. We were ordered to go round & round. This was the only time in my 36 days that I breathed fresh air, but I had never seen the sun throughout my stay.
Now I know that the green light in the bathroom is for ventilation, for breathing. I will only take baths in candlelight.
Now I need you to kneel to me, open up through your chest & drink my bathwater.
contents: sage, mistik, misbaha (prayer beads), hairbrush & hair
ottawa
apr-09-20
ottawa
apr-09-20
Spring 2020
Sunday, March 29
Ottawa Late one night, Kanika and I went to a secret beach party. We got lost of course but ended up staying until sunrise, dancing and staring up at the sky. Someone’s t-shirt said “a life of Sundays.” So that became my goal: working towards a simple life full of Sunday feelings.
I’ve shifted the sacred day to be Saturday, because I can.
Mama and I baked a banana cake, it turned out OK. The process was fun though. Mama cooks with all her senses - she told me to mix the butter and sugar until I can’t hear the sugar sounds anymore. I’m more domestic then I let on to be. I love cookbooks because I grew up around them. This one is almost ancient.
I’ve shifted the sacred day to be Saturday, because I can.
Mama and I baked a banana cake, it turned out OK. The process was fun though. Mama cooks with all her senses - she told me to mix the butter and sugar until I can’t hear the sugar sounds anymore. I’m more domestic then I let on to be. I love cookbooks because I grew up around them. This one is almost ancient.
guide to cooking & nutrition
ottawa
mar-29-20
ottawa
mar-29-20
Spring 2020
Saturday, March 28
OttawaI was inspired to paint the letter و. It is used to conjoin words & sentences in Arabic. My formal Arabic language teaching ended when we left Amman in ‘96 - I was 8. One thing that stuck with me is the language’s grammer, the Shamsi (sun) & Qamari (moon) in particular.
Colloquially, I speak Iraqi. My friends have a hard time understanding me, which is sometimes fun. I’m a bad speller in all languages, so I prefer experiencing words.
Colloquially, I speak Iraqi. My friends have a hard time understanding me, which is sometimes fun. I’m a bad speller in all languages, so I prefer experiencing words.
wa’
ottawa
mar-27-20
ottawa
mar-27-20
Spring 2020
Thursday, March 26
OttawaSo - what do I do with this diagnosis? I had to remind the doctor that there’s a power dynamic between him & me. I had to remind him that I am an active partner in decision-making about my health, my body, my mind. They are a part of me, the small “s” self. The Self, my Higher Self, is unscathed.
Noor called the time of the #covid_19 virus a Big Reset. It’s becoming a time of rest & reflection, for me and everyone else. Hassan the camera, is at Home, so Mama suggested I paint. My starting colours will be black and navy blue.
Noor called the time of the #covid_19 virus a Big Reset. It’s becoming a time of rest & reflection, for me and everyone else. Hassan the camera, is at Home, so Mama suggested I paint. My starting colours will be black and navy blue.
ethereal
venice
feb-03-20
venice
feb-03-20
